Contimplation (Dakota Drama Pt. II)

sigh... At this point I no longer know what to do with myself. I'm slowly gaining wieght, even with my ADHD meds which help break down my fat faster and excersize I still gain. The other day I was talking to Dakota and a couple of other people and Dakota brings up that once he graduates from high school he's never going to talk to anyone from high school except for like 3 or 4 people (of which 2 of them I'm really close to I might add) I can't help but to think he talked about this in front of me because he knows that I'm in love with him and he knows that it kills me when I hear something like that come from him. It tells me that he's still pissed off at me for the events that happened during ITS and the rest of that month. I don't know how many times I lie awake at night and think about what happened and what our relationship as friends would have amounted to if I had just kept my god damn mouth shut. I've always had issues with depression  (by that I mean I used to cut my wrists, I got help and stopped after awhile) and when Dakota texted me saying me with stuff like how pissed off he was, the first thing I did was find the nearest sharp object I could find... and I cut myself... I hadn't done that in two years... two fucking years down the drain like that. I've never told him about that. I only wish I could tell him, but I'm afraid that if I did tell him he would think I was some kind of freak. I only did it because I cared that much about him and I still do. Now I know your what your thinking "If you cared so much about him, then why did you do what you did?" and that's what I don't know, I don't know why I did it. It wasn't me, I have no clue where it came from. If only he was more forgiving and I opened my mouth less often then I wouldn't be in this situation. Well then past is the past  and that's the way it is. What I wouldn't give for a re-wind button right now. I miss my bestfriend. God I'm such an asshole!

The hardest part about walking away from him is knowing that he won't run after me.

School time again! (Daily Confessions)

Shit shit shit... Fuck. Hmm where do I start... well first off people are starting to read my blog so + but the down side is I don't want to embarass myself so - Welp I was sick at home on monday and during that time it gave me time to think about what my life has amounted to so far. My conclusion is... well lets just say I don't apply myself well in life :) like most people my age I deal with the day to day stuff; drama etc. but unlike most of my fellow peers, I'm gay. At my age (16) it turns into a burden to bare. Don't get me wrong I LOVE who I am but sometimes it's just a pain in the ass (no pun intended) to have to explain to people that I'm gay over and over again and tell them that it's not a choice to be gay. Anyway no progress on gorilla tits after all he is straight (sadly) I always seem to fall for the straight ones and in high school it kills me when I see someone and then they turn out to be straight... sigh On the other hand I'm in love with my bestfriend and when I told him the truth he told me he thought it was "weird" and to a straight I guess it would seem a little weird but he's my bestfriend one would have thought that he would've reacted differently. Yesterday I went to audition for 12 angry jurors (12 angry men + 12 angry women) I think I did better than I thought I would do. I'm pretty confident that I got a part, but knowing me I'll probably get cast as an old man... again. I'm not complaining, it's just that I always get cast as the old man; it's more of a statement rather than a complaint. Lindsey and I have been hard at work practicing and what not I hope all goes well for us cause if it doesn't then this will all be a wasted effort (or at least it will feel that way to me) well that's pretty much it for the moment. hope you all have a great rest of the week :)

WOOP WOOP!!! By the Bay

So a few weeks ago my bestfriend Lindsey Wiskur and I started a band called By the Bay (currently we're a cover band until we can find more members) We already have a name for our first EP: Not Just a Cover Up! The songs on it are Lost by Anouk, Hold It Against Me (Sam Tsui's version), Don't Forget by Demi Lovato, and two songs by Utada, Simple and Clean, and Sanctuary. Before we can record anything we need to find 1.) A producer 2.) A recording studio and 3.) We need to book a few gigs before we do #'s 1 and 2. We do have a few of our own songs but we choose to wait and record those after we edit them and become a little better known. Well that's all that's happening at the moment. If you have any tips for us let us know in the comments. :)

Coming out stories

Recently I've been thinking about my personal coming out story and it got me to thinking "You know I'm not the only person in the world who has come out." So I decided to look up some other stories, here's what I found.

Btw this guy ^ is HOT!




WOW who does that^ sound like (me!)

Another hottie ^ Good story

Seeing these videos makes me look back on how I came out... again DO NOT COME OUT ON FACEBOOK! I just feel so comfortable with myself when I watch these videos I just want to talk to these people cause I feel like I know them. I still have yet to tell my grandparents but hope to in the near future. I hope all goes well for me :)

So now I'm looking again at coming out stories and I come Across THIS:


AND THIS:

 WOW WHAT LUCK!!!

Spring Break Boredom

So today's Monday and I've got ZERO plans for the rest of the week (God I'm so boring) Any way I was going to make this blog post Dakota Drama pt. 2, but instead I'll be talking about the people who have speical meaning in my life. (YES Jessie I will continue Dakota Drama) anyway time for the main event, let's see who's first.... how about.... My mom. My mom has always been a big part of my life, I don't know what my dad and I would do if she wasn't here; she's like the older sister I've always wanted!

Mitch Hewer is the next person on my list, While yes he is super hot and an extremely talented actor he also inspired me to become an actor without him I wouldn't be an actor today.

Next I.... DAVEY WAVEY!! It seems a little obsesive but I cant help myself, without Davey I would be another closet case stuck at home living an unhappy life.

Last but not least is my faithful reader Jessie Sanders :) If she didn't read my blog I would probably close the blog.

Now here's a funny video that I ran across

Coming Out

Coming out is not the easiest thing in the world to do and my advice for those wanting to come out is, DO NOT COME OUT OVER FACEBOOK!!! You see what I did was I hinted around to my mom that I was gay... she eventually caught on, but I never flat out said to her "Mom, I'm gay." As for my dad, well, I was scared to death of my dad finding out cause we're not exactlly what you would call close... Anyway I came out to my friends and they were totally fine with it, I came out to my aunt (Mom's sister) and she was supportive, I came out to my two cousins they were cool with it... Sooo now we get deeper into the story, one day I decided that I would come out on facebook... It was not a good idea. Let's just say it ended with a loooong conversation with my parents were my dad said "I'm not exactlly happy that your gay, but I'll support you just the same." Let me tell you, it was just a strange situation altogether and to think it all could have been avoided if I came out to my parents in the first place. Oh well ya live and ya learn I guess :)

"In my Heart" Alyssa Shouse feat. Stokes

Selena Gomez & The Scene - Who Says

This video is so beautiful, it makes me want to cry.

Why I love Davey Wavey

This is Davey Wavey. Yes I know he's beautiful, but let's put our toungs back in our mouths for a moment so I can tell you about him, for starters like myself he's gay. He's EXTREMLY inspirational and I love him for it, I look up to him in so many ways. Truely he's that best friend I've never even met. I look foward to every thursday when he uploads his new talky blog. He inspired me to start this blog. I think if we all tried to be a little more aware of our suroundings like davey, the world would be a much happier place.

STUFF

Sooooo..... I haven't been able to get on blogger on account of the fact that my computer broke :( Any way I am SOOOOO sad that Mitch hewer deleted his twitter *dies inside* I'm so glad that footloose is over... It was a BITCH!! I have fallen in love with dakota, yes I know it's stupid cause he can't return the feelings, but a boy can dream SIGH Dakota. Also I'm a little saddened by the fact that I can no longer see the God of Body Silas :( Lately I've been feeling a little lonley, I NEED to get myself a MAN. OH! I did do something amazing, I started a band with my wonderfully talented best friend Lindsey Wisker :3, our band I By the Bay we're a piano cover band at the moment (we need to find some more members...) I am SOOO happy that there's a commercial on tv now that's telling people to stop saying "that's so gay", which makes me want to correct my previous post about how funny straight people are. We (gay people) tolerate the phrase "thats so gay" because we can't stop people from saying it. Any way that's all for now :)