Crying

 I just feel lost. I don't really know what I'm suposed to do. I can't think straight anymore, I want to just let go of myself judgements and all of my problems, but I think if I do, I'll lose my grip on life; I'll have nothing left to hold on to. If I don't control my life, who does. I need to take action and make a stand for myself and my well being. To be honest, I hate myself. I'm gaining weight, have acne every where, I'm anoying to everyone of my friends. Some times I think that if I were never born things would be better for everyone in the world.

My fun little trip to Eureka Springs

If you've been reading my tweets then you know most of this story, but if you haven't ro you've been in a coma here it is (It's kinda like a bunch of different stories that relate to each other, cramed into one). So as most of you know I'm in a band called By The Bay with Lindsey Wiskur. Well recently I've been looking for something more, so I decided to look up "open mic events" in the Ozarks and the first thing that popped up was a Eureka Springs music fest. I took a chance on it and found it to be pretty promissing. Before I continue I have to tell you a little tid-bit, I found a BOYFRIEND! (yay me btw his names Mike he's 19) So I asked my parents if I could go. They said I could, but they didn't want me to go alone (they were to busy to take me) so I asked if Mike could take me, after hours of pleding they said yes (I love it when I get my way) So Saturday rolls around and Mike and I head off to ES and on our way down I start playing the nervous game (probably not the best thing to do when someone"s driving lol) He starts doing the same back to me, then all of a sudden we drive over this HUGE pot hole and his hand slips and ends up on my... anyway lets just say it was one of those cute akward movie moments. A couple of hours pass an we arive in ES at the RV Park (we brought my parent's camper to save money) We finally get set up, just in time for it to start raining. So we ran inside as fast as we could; then we relised that were stuck inside with nothing to do until later that night. On the plus side we were FAR from bored (if you know what I mean lol) We decided to check out the shops downtown and I find a rather large Earth Bound (If you didn't know I'm obsessed with Earth Bound; it was 2 stories, I was in heaven) I was so proud of myself I only bought a ring and a braclet. Still with to kill we look around for a place to eat and we find this cute little mexican restraunt that had THE best mexican food I've ever tasted. Show time comes around (I went on at 11:30pm) and I was so nervous, but I ended up doing better than I thought I would. So this morning we woke up to pouring rain. We run outside to hook up the camper as fast as we could. We're soaking wet and cold, and I get the awsome idea to sneak up behind Mike and scare him... Well he ended up scaring the shit out of me and I was extremly pissed off, he hug's me and tells me he's sorry and then the most romantic thing in the world happens to me; we just start making out in the rain (not gonna lie, it was the best part of my weekend). Well that's pretty much it. Hope you enjoyed my post. As always stay beautiful.

This song pretty much sums up my entire weekend

It's 4/20 LOL

So today I went to school... hehehe..... Anyways sorry I haven't really blogged much lately. I'm actually having a really good week. You see I was told by a friend that people really do read my blog! So I have been talking to this guy Mike... He's great, but sadly he's very hard for me to talk to without me wanting throw myself on him and... well you know lol. I really like him, the only thing holding me back is the fact that he's 19. The good thing is that this time he's gay. Still have a crush on *****. Oh well it probably won't ever happen. Before I forget Shout Out to Haleigh and Andie, thanks for the ride home. As always stay beautiful :)
This song is exactlly how I feel about my crush

Pictures from Honors Biology

Hey I got bored and took some pics with my fellow band member Lindsey (Blonde) and our photographer Jessie (Black)

Slam Poetry

So today in english my teacher told us that we were going to be starting a slam poetry unit. We are going to be writing later this week, but being to over achiever I am (haha I can't even type that with a straight face) I went ahead a wrote one. It's called In Your Face

In Your Face


Hey I have something to say and that something is
That I am gay
It makes me mad when I hear people say in the hallways
Hey look at that gay guy, lets make fun of him and call him names

FAGGOT! HOMO! QUEER!

And in return I would say
Yes I'm gay and yes I like dick, but just because I do DOES NOT mean I want your's!
Don't flatter yourself you prick
I may like a guy that's gay, straight, or bi
That doesn't mean I'm going to act on those feelings

Another thing I hear people say is
That's so gay
Well you know what, that's so teenage pizza-faced boy who can't get a girl to save his life

Girls love me for who I am and the way I was born
A word of advice
Girls HATE IT when their friends get hurt by people... like you
Keep in mind if you talk behind my back it put's you in the perfect position to
KISS MY ASS!
If you ever find yourself in love with a girl
Remember
Behind every girl is her
Gay


Well that's what I came up with. Feel free to comment and make sudjestions :) As always stay beautiful!

Awsome song!

Old Flames

So I've recently came out to my ex-girlfriend Cory and when I told her she was totaly fine with it... until I put my foot in my mouth when she asked what gay sex was like... let's just say that she was really homophobic afterwards, but now she's come around and we're cool. Now that I've told you that story I can tell you this one, way back at the begining of that school year I called her a bitch, slut, or something like that. Anyway we got into a huge fight and we hated each other with a passion, then around the time I decided to give myself a tattoo (November or December I think) we started to talk again and now today we seem to be closer than ever. I guess it just goes to show you that people can change their minds and attitudes towards each other. Today in honors bio all we did was talk about random shit, we also found a link on http://www.breaktheillusion.com/ that took us to a peta website about going vegetarian and it even gives you FREE vegetarian starter kit (Recipies and other cool stuff) and being an ex-vegetarian (had to stop cause I lost to much weight) I decided to order one because I have resently put on a few pounds and I miss the life style (I had a lot more energy) Well that's pretty much it for today. Until next time, stay beautiful :)
before i forget here's an awsome song by a super awsome band (Also my all time favorite band) VersaEmerge

Don't know what's goin on

I have been bored off my ass all week so forgive me if this blog post is awful. I have been thinking about a LOT of shit lately, stuff-stuff, like sex stuff. I know this is all very suprising coming from me but it's true. I just want to have sex because... well fuck I just REALLY want to have sex (Btw I'm not a virgin). In other news my grades are in the toilet, I'm STILL single, and... and... I really want to hug someone and cry for no reason. Also before I forget yesterday was the docudrama (a dramatic documentary on drunk driving) and I as I watched it I began to cry because all of the actor's and actress' were my friends and as the drama procceded there was buckets of fake blood every where and something in my head made me think it was real even though I knew it wasn't. It got me to thinking what if that really did happen to my friends what would I do without them (what would I do if I lost Dakota) after it was over I wanted give everyone a big hug, but of course I didn't cause they were covered in fake blood and I didn't want to get and on my white hoodie. It also made me relize how little I truly know my friends. So today I made a promissed myself that I would A) NEVER drink and drive and B) Get to know them better. Well that's all for today. Here's the song that's been playing in my head all week: