Simply Put

On Thanksgiving, something happened that was so shocking and left such a strong impression on me, that I cannot avoid tackling it. I was on Facebook, “doing homework,” when I saw a certain status pop up on my news feed. This status was the single most hateful, homophobic thing I have seen in my entire life. I would reproduce it here but it contains language so offensive and so vulgar that I would not be allowed to do so.

Now it’s rare that something I see on Facebook leaves such an impact with me. But once I saw this, it was all I could think about. I realized that I had only really been exposed to progressive people in my life, people who support things like gay marriage. This represented such a severe form of culture shock that I could not turn away, so I tracked this status for about 20 minutes.

There were quite a few responses, at least 20 of them. I expected that people would be jumping to shut this kid up and defend the gay community, but I was sorely mistaken. In fact, there was only one negative response to this status — the rest were overwhelmingly positive. To me, it seemed especially ridiculous to see high school students commenting on this. After the Tyler Clementi tragedy last year, I thought that sensitivity regarding gay rights was at an all-time high at our school. Clearly though, that is not the case for everyone here.

When I see people getting so passionate about suppressing groups like homosexuals, I am always overwhelmed by how pointless it is. When it comes down to it, it will not affect anybody besides the people getting married. You are not achieving some sort of spiritual victory by doing this. All you are doing is ruining someone else’s day, to put it lightly. With all the problems in the world and all the issues out there, why would anybody prioritize ruining someone else’s day?

The other main thing that bothered me about this situation was the information these people were using to back up their ridiculous claims. Since there is basically no logical way to support gay bashing, these people responded with what seems to be the most effective method of political hate-mongering — religion. The people who commented posted about Islam’s feelings toward homosexuality and posted a video with an Islamic preacher talking about how evil homosexuals are.

As someone who views Islam as a largely peaceful religion, this especially shocked me. I don’t think these fanatics’ views are at all representative of what the vast majority of Muslims believe. However, there were quite a few people, students at this University, who were ready to use the Quran to back up claims — like how it calls for homosexuals to be stoned to death as punishment.

Like I said, I do not see this as being representative of the greater Muslim population, but there are many people who would look at this and just see a rationale for Islamophobia. It is very obvious that there is a prevailing sense of Islamophobia within this country. A 2010 Gallup poll showed that a remarkable 43 percent of all Americans admit to feeling at least a little prejudiced toward Muslims. Knowing this, the Islamic population should try to show the world that Islam is a peaceful religion. The last thing that Muslims should be doing is talking about how much they hate gay people.

This does not only affect the Muslim population, but this affects religion as a whole in the United States. Right now, there are a lot of people that do not have any use for religion. This is because of beliefs that religion goes side by side with reactionary socially conservative policies.

There is only one way to remedy it, and it is a seemingly easy way. Religious groups should focus on social issues that matter and actually contribute to people suffering. Most importantly, these fringe elements have to stop doing things like protesting in front of abortion clinics and making horrible homophobic Facebook statuses for no reason.

I know this isn't the usual stuff I write about but it's important to me. Thanks for reading. !STAY BEAUTIFUL!

Stuck in my head

Well I finally apologized to Dakota. So why do I still feel empty inside? I'm just done with everything. I thought that if I apologized, things would change. I guess I was wrong. I miss my best friend. I just want everything to go back to the way it was before all of this happened. I worry about him so much. It breaks my heart every time I over hear Haleigh talking to him on the phone. God I miss him, even just his scent. I've been so on edge lately I have to will my self not to cry when I think about him. He truly did care for my well being. I'm the worst person on earth. What really gets at me is the fact that I don't know why I felt the need to do what I did. I can't even fathom the hate he probably has for me, but I don't blame him. I would hate me too if I were in his position. So now I'm done. I've lost him forever and I now have to live with that fact for the rest of my life. I'm just done. Every time I hear his name or think about the way things used to be, the hole in my heart gets bigger. I don't think I care what happens to me anymore. I don't want him back in my life as a boyfriend, I came to the difficult realization that it won't happen. I just want my best friend back. That's all. !STAYBEUATIFUL!

Before Bed Workout

Every night before I go to bed I do a small workout and I thought I would share it.

40 crunches
10 push-ups (fist)
10 push-ups (normal)
Stretches:
10 sec. Left
10 sec. Right
10 sec. Middle

Breathing Exercises
Hold breath for 25 sec, exhale (Repeat 5x)
Finish workout with one glass of cold water.

Well that's all there is to it. Hope it helps :) !Stay Beautiful!

Queer Bait

For all of the people who know or have heard of Austin Hargus.... Today in English he decided to call me a queer bait. Before I take this out of context let me give you a little back story. I walked into the computer lab a headed to my usual spot. I see a bag, not on, but by the chair. I assumed that someone had left it there from the previous class. I picked it up and moved it.... MOVED IT I did not throw it away from said chair. I sat down, logged on to the computer and began to work. Austin walks in and asks wel the hell are you doing, thats my seat didn't you see my bag!? To which I replied oh I'm sorry I didn't realize that was your bag. He then said oh yeah sure you fucking queer bait . To quote Oiser IS THAT RUDE OR WHAT?! Honestly I wasn't at all offended because he's a very uneducated individual. I actually feel sorry for him. If that's the only way he knows how to express his feelings then he probably has some serious issues that he need to work out. Needless to say Haleigh stood up for me and told Mrs. Jones. Thank you Haleigh, you're a good friend :)

Pop Culture Update

Here's whats hot!
TV:The Secret Circle, Charlie's Angels, Pan Am
Fashion: Look up NY 2011 Fall Fashion Week for all the hottest trends
Music: Elizaveta, Ellie Goulding, And oddly enough Seth MacFarlane (he's REALLY good)

What's Happening in Branson MO
Places: A Wild Hair Salon "The Newest Hais Salon on the Block" located across the street from Skaggs, under Aspire Health Spa
Mark Ahston's on the landing (cheap designer bags)
Coach at Tanger (Look at NY Fall Fasion Week 2011 to see why)
Ralph Lauren Polo (Look at NY Fall Fasion Week 2011 to see why)
People:
Lauren Taylor Johnston, always wearing the hippest boots, if you don't know what fashion is look to L. Taylor Johnston for hieght of full fall fashion

Well thats all for my Pop Culture Update

Here's Snow in Venice by Elizaveta

Here's a fun little picture I found

Labor Day and the A-List:New York/Dallas

Hey guys so sorry I haven't posted in FOREVER!!! Aaaaany way, as my Labor Day weekend comes to an end I must say AWSOME weekend. I was able to do kayaking and biking and it was sooo relaxing!
Now on to WHAT'S HOT! If you don't know what the A-List is then you are missing out on some HAWT gossip. To catch up on all the drama here's a link: http://www.logotv.com/shows/the_a_list_new_york/season_1/series.jhtml
Being new to the LGBT community in a small town is hard because there aren't really any roll models for my, but thanks to this show I know what's what. As far as the A-List: Dallas, well while I'm looking foreward to it I really don't like Taylor, there's just something... off about him, he doesn't sit right with me. James on the other hand HOOOT!!!! here's a pic:


well no new music for this post :( sorry
As always Stay Beautiful!

First day of school and some other shit :P

So I'm in a total loopy/horny/goofy mood right now :P

Well today was the first day of school! I could not be any happier. Saw some cute freshmen, so I guess thats a plus. I had the best hair day of my life and the perfct outfit to boot. I couldn't have asked for a better first day. I have made a little change in my song for the musical audition, Waiting Outside The Lines. I also realised that I can't wear NOH8 on the side of my face cause it's apparently against the rules :( where's ACLU when you need 'em :P Don't have very many classes with any attractive people, it's just a little depressing.

Still single :( How ever I am enjoying my job, a lot of hot guys go in and out of the store all of the time.

Total random thought. Help me trend #PowerBottomsForJesus it would mean a lot to me
Also I'm gonna be doing some drag here pretty soon so stay tuned.

Stay Beautiful everyone

Stories from Pac Sun

Ok so the past two days working at Pac Sun (at Tanger) have been a blast and I thought it would be fun to tell some of the stuff that's happened to me so far.

Let's see, my first day I was super scared, until I met Kayla, Veronica, and Brittney (who's last day is tomorrow T_T) They are some of the coolest/nicest/funniest people I have ever met. Kayla is exactly like Nez, Veronica is a bubbly goof, and Brittney is just a ditz :P

On my first day a little girl got lost in the store and her mom was really casual and almost unresponsive to the fact that her daughter was missing. Veronica was like "If that was my kid, I would have been ripping the store apart screaming and throwing a fit". Working with Kayla is soo much fun you have no idea. She gehtto boo! There were these one people that left the dressing room a mess. They had tried on like 7 pairs of  jeans, I think like 5 different shirts and didn't buy a single thing... I was soo pissed, I guess that's retail for you.

My second was pretty boring until this old lady came in and asked me and Kayla where the restrooms were at. Here's how the conversation went Lady "were are the restrooms at?" Kayla "they're across the street in this sort of nut shack" the old lady stares blankly Me (out of nowhere) "yeah, they sell nuts there!" me and Kayla could not stop laughing.

Well that's all that pretty much happened. I love retail. Stay Beautiful everyone :)

Pac Sun Promos: Girls Bullhead Flare and Bootcut jeans buy one get one free
                            Guys Bullhead Ridcon and Wilsher jeans buy one get one free
                            Graphic Tees buy one get one $10
                            Girls perfume 2 for $10
NEW PRODUCT: Wrangler jeans

Beauty and the Beast/ Pac Sun

Today got to thinking about next year's musical, what song i should audition with, the set etc. Honestly I'm scared to death of how the set will turn out, I have some ideas as far as the castel goes, but what I'm really worried about is the town and the pub. We could roll on the set, then again that's just a pain in the ass to deal with. Although knowing the dept. that's probably what will end up happening.

I know for sure that this year I will be auditioning for the musical. If Mr. Gowers doesn't have something for us to sing for our audition, then I'll be auditioning with either Rolling In The Deep or Turning Tables, but I want to go over both songs with taylor (she's the only one who I can get a truly pure opinion from, plus if I suck I know I can have her help me)

As for my new job at PacSun my first day is Saturday from 6:00pm to 11:00pm. It also happns to be the first day of tax free weekend, so if you can make it we are having a sale on all jeans for I think $10.00 if I recall correctly. So yeah come bug me and spend some money :P

As always Stay Beautiful

Still single, I hope there are some cute freshmen next year :)

The "Gay" state of mind and some other stuff

Body image; Am I fat? or I need a rock hard 6-pack
Penis size; nuff said
Position; Top or Bottom
What am I; twink, hunk, bear etc.
How should I act; kind, snobby, bitchy etc.

That's just a small part of the ever growing list of things that run through every gay teen and man's mind; including mine. You see there's this pressure we in the gay community put on ourselves for some retarded reason. It's one of those things that no one really talks about because we all know it's true. We try to be better than one another so that at the end of the day we can feel better about ourselves. We work and work on our public image so much we forget what truly matters; friends, family, and most importantly ourselves.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

What I hate the most

I'll galdly admit that I hate metrosexuals, but I only hate the ones that do it for the attention. I know that hate's a bad emotion to hold on to, but when I see someone acting like a total flamer when they aren't I want to scream in their face and if you think about it I have every right to. The LGBT community has gone through so much suffering and we've come so far, and then some ass decides he's going to act "gay" it's like telling us that our struggle was for nothing. An average person's first thought when they see a metrosexual is probably going to be "oh that guy is gay" or something like that. Then depending on who that person is, it could go a lot of different ways. the person may be a homophobe and they may ask the metrosexual if they are gay, the metrosexual then says they aren't gay and then the homophobe is ok with the metrosexual. That says to me that it's ok to act gay but it's not ok to be gay and that's not ok by me.

___________________________________________________________________________________


Writing a new song called "A Call To Arms". So far I only have the chours :/ I've had a litte writers block, but thats nothing a litte Mary Jane can't fix ;)

Stay Beautiful :)

Uggs are UGGLY! and other thoughts :)

Well everyone, today was one of those kind of days, but not in a bad sense. What I mean is that it's one of those days thats hard to describe, ya know. Have you ever been so tired that everything becomes 100x funnier for no reason. I guess that's how today went for me. I was actually fairly busy to day. For starters I had a job interview with PacSun (That went very well) and I got my hair cut at my favorite place in the entire world A Wild Hair Salon (Below Aspire, across from skaggs) It's owned by some of nicest guys you will ever meet (chris and shawn) gotta love 'em, and I learned something to day... guess who also gets their hair cut there... Silas! No shit it's legit. Chris and I were talking about next years musical and we start talking about who we think would be best for beast and then he says Silas Langford... My jaw dropped and I asked him how he knew Silas, well apparently Shawn cuts his hair. SMALL WORLD! I had no idea!

Side note: Girls just because it's high priced does not mean it looks good. FYI Uggs are UGGLY, That's coming from a gay. So next time you go to put on a pair, PLEASE think twice before making a tacky footwear choice. As for TOMS... DON'T GET ME STARTED!

Well that's it for now, as always Stay Beautiful :) oh! before I forget Tyler and I are no longer talking :( oh well, give me a week and i'll be fine :P

Change for the Better :)

This one is for Ashley "Hooray!" I haven't gossiped in over 2 whole months!! I'm bringing this up because I ran into Jenna Sarni today at American Eagle and she told me she heard there was some drama at ITF this year (I'm assuming she heard it from Dakota, but don't quote me on that, in the great words of Haliegh Mackey "You know what they say about assuming... It makes an ass out of you and me") anyway I did however ask a few people if anything really big happened and to my knowlege no much had happened; of course there was regular everyday run-of-the-mill drama but whats new :P. The point I'm trying to make is that I have no idea what happened at ITF and I honestly don't care. I'm extremly proud of myself. Ive made a big step in my life today and I couldn't be happier. I hope my not getting into everyones problems carries on into the next year.

This is an awsome song for Pride month:

Summer Post

Well everyone, I've got news. Guess who's gonna do an amature photo shoot... THIS GUY!!! The idea came to me while watching a LogoTV Documentary called Pretty Boys. It's about this modle and how he's just some regular guy, but that's not important. The important thing is that I've desided to model. Just think about it, tons of free shit, great pay, awsome work hours, and a bunch of other shit! Honestly I have had a perfessional modeling agent tell me that I could have a future in modeling if I wanted. At the time I thought nothing of it , but now I'm starting to see the possibilites. I've asked a friend of mine Rachel Parker to help me (she's a former model) and I'm really excited about the shoot. I can't wait!

As for an update on what I've been up to these past few weeks, I went back to St. Louis to see my family, possibly 'see' Tyler, and go on a float trip. Sadly I was unable to 'see' Tyler because he had to go out of town. I did stay at my grandparents house with my two little cousins; God damn if I ever have kids someone please kill me. As for the float trip, it was fun... until I fell in the mud trying to walk up a hill.

That's pretty much all I've been up to. I will post the pics from the up-coming shoot, so stay tuned for those. I was also thinking about expanding my blog and doing talky blogs (youtube videos), but we'll have to see how things lay out first. As always stay beautiful :)

My Summer Officialy Starts :P

So for the past 2 weeks I've been stuck in the hell hole known as SUMMER SCHOOL...
Well I finished my time and I'm done. Sadly I have nothing to do :( All I can do is wait for the day when I can see Tyler XD I haven't done much today. Well my cousin Melissa (she kinda like my older better looking sister) moved to Texas this past weekend with a friend and his family. Her friend's family is opening a restraunt and they offered her a job. I really hope she has a good time and everything works out for her. My mom and I are sending her a care package with a bunch of stuff in it. I found her the perfect tina fay card; it says some really funny shit :P With the card I sent her a letter containing our favorite memories, like the first time we watched the movie Super Star. I also told her I would love for us to work on a production together. It would be one bad ass show. Now that I think about it, I do need to start working on next years shows; Beauty and The Beast and Steel Magnolias. I already have some pictures, but I need to write the dicriptions for them. I guess that'll keep me busy for a few days. Thanks for listening to me blab on and on. Stay Beautiful <3

The other day I was watching the MMVA awards show and forund this awsome band called These Kids Wear Crowns; this song is perfect for the summer:

Gaga Marathon!

Recently I've noticed the change in Gaga's work... Old Gaga and New Gaga. So I thought it would be fun to post all of Gaga's video's and let you; my blog buddies, see for yourself Gaga's change.

Well that's all of the hoped you liked them :)

New hair!

In case you haven't seen it here's my new hair color :p

I've gone gaga for Gaga

Hello blog buddies! I've been reading a wonderful book called "Looking For Fame: The Life Of A Pop Princess Lady Gaga" Let me just say that i've never been more inspired musicaly by a person that I don't even know. I recently was left by Lindsey, though sad it may be, I still have hope for myself in the music industry. Anyway back to the book, I haven't even finished it and already I'm seeing what kind of artist I want to become. Behind all of the glits and glamore of a pop star, lies a truly down-to-earth woman. I respected Lady Gaga as an artist, but now I have respect  for her as a person. That's what I want from my future fans. I have multiple influences weither it's from Britney Spears, Ke$ha, Katy Perry, Seirra Kusterbeck, or Cassidy Pope the biggest influence is from Lady Gaga and from this point forth it will remain this way. I know you'll probably never read this, but Lady Gaga you're an inspiration to me and always will be, I hope to meet you one day so that I can tell you this in person; thank you for being my muse. Your a beacon of light to all in an other-wise bleak world.

Lol here's todays song:

Darren Criss.... mmm so HOT!!!

!NOH8!

Ok blog buddies it's time I stop putting this off and just do this. Everyone ready for this? The week of ITF I want as many of my blog buddies to wear the ^above anywhere people can see it. Since I'm unable to attend this year I will be wearing mine the first week back to school. Everyone who wears this will be helping millions in the LGBT community fight for their right to marry and have the same rights as everyone else. And as soon as I turn 18 I'll be getting a NOH8 tattoo on my arm. With your help I know we'll change America, even the world. Stay Beautiful everyone.

Todays song is of course:

My Summer Blog

So I figured that since schools out I might want to have an alternative blog format. So ALL this summer will be about is just sutff, like what ever comes to mind. That probably means a lot of the posts will be about Tyler XD... Anyway I'll still post with the old format as soon as the school year starts again. Now on to the good stuff :)

So this summer my main goal is spending time back in St. Louis with mainly Tyler, but also some of my other friends like Tori Burket and Mandy Spell. But all this won't be happening until mid-july. So leading up to that I'll probably be learning how to drive, cooking, looking for a job, watchingTV, summer school for 2 and a half weeks, and exercising. Well that pretty much all for this blog post, as always Stay Beautiful :)

Today's song is:

The One (Dating/Relationships)

Dating: Hrm… well everyone I don’t know if he considers me his boyfriend, but I consider him mine; well my long distance boyfriend. As you know I recently found an old friend from grade school (Tyler Napoli), we’ve been texting each other for the past few days and well… it’s complicated to say the least. I don’t mean that my feelings for him are complicated, those are clear. It’s just the whole situation it’s self is. Have so many questions like; is it to soon to say I’ve found THE one, am I to young to know what true love is, or how do I say yes to him. Yes I realize those questions are REALLY cheesy, but they’re very important questions that need to be asked. Anyway it’s all very complicated, but there are a few things I am certain of; I have a date to prom for next year XD, we have plans to see each other this summer, he finds me attractive, and I consider him my boyfriend. <3

Thanks for listening to me babble on about my mushy feelings for tyler ;)

Relationship: I wanna talk about a person very special to me; Ashley Herrera, this girl is so amazing, she’s beyond words, but I’ll try to put her into some. For starters she is a proud Mexican and she won’t let you forget that she is. She’s one of the most trustworthy people you will ever know; that’s a fact. She keeps me grounded on most days by telling me when to shut up or when I need to speak my mind, to be honest I would be in a shit load of trouble if it weren’t for her holding me back(in a good way of course) She’s kind, beautiful, and could probably get any guy she wanted if she tried. I honestly haven’t had a better friend my whole life. If you don’t know her, then get to know her cause you’ll miss out on a wonderful friend if you don’t.

Daily Confessions: Well I’m riding in the car pre-writing this post and let me tell you it’s not the easiest thing in the world :/ This past weekend has given me ample time to reflect on my school year. I’ve come to realize that I should have started this blog a lot sooner than I did. This blog was originally started as a personal diary, then I figured, what the hell why not let people into my inner most thoughts, it’s not like keeping quite got anyone anywhere. I hope that in the future my blog will become an inspiration for all who read it, but before I go inspiring people I need to get a little better at this whole blogging thing : )

As always Stay Beautiful

Here’s the song for today

Tuesday Bitches :D (Poems)

So today's Tuesday and I only have 2 and a half days left before spring.... SUPER EXCITED!!!

Today's poem I wrote in, I think the 8th grade... this was during the time I was struggling with my sexuality and was in the closet. Anyways I never wrote a title for it so I don't know what to call it.... Hrm....

They tell you to be happy
All smiles, no frowns
They tell you things are great
But yet,
They crowd you with critisism
They say it's for the best
But yet you seem to stand lower than the rest
You feel the heavy sadness of the pureness you can't hold
You feel the sharp pain that throws you in the cold
You look at your world
And you lower your head with shame
Cause this terrible curse proves life's not all fun and games

well there you have it :) of course I don't feel like this anymore, now that I'm out and open.

Daily Confession:
So last night I went to my facebook page to see what everyone was up to and I see that I have a couple of friend requests. So I click on the little icon and the first thing I see pop up is some old cowboy lookin dude that looked liked a possible rapest. Well I of course DID NOT add him as a friend. Then I go to the next friend request and see this guy
 
pop up. My first reaction was holy shit this guys HOT, why the hell would he want to talk to me. After the shock had past I decided to look at his profile and see that he lives in St. Louis and goes to school with a lot of my old friends, I end up adding him and then I scrolled down (to see what he was into) and I see that he's BI; I about shat myself on the spot. But then I thought FML, he lives in St. Louis... FUCK, why did I have to move to branson!!!? Well I saw that he was online so I thought, what the hell why not talk to him. And the first thing I say is "not gonna lie, your really HOT" Yes I know it was a total creeper move, but I can't help myself sometimes. Anyway we start talking and I find out we went to grade school together, I find my old year book and sure enough there he is, Tyler Napoli. I then felt like a pedo when I did a comparision to see how different he looked... turns out he looks pretty much the same, only older and hotter. Well I think that's all for today's confession. Thanks for reading. As always Stay Beautiful :)

Here's todays song from last night's Glee that me pee my pants cause it was too funny:

OMG SO SO SO SO Sorry I haven't been able to blog in forever!!! (Dating/Relationships)

SOOOOOO as you've seen from the title, I am sorry I haven't been around as much as I had hope, but I'm here now so let's get this blog post started.

Dating: If you have been reading my tweets then already know this, I am single... sigh oh well

Relationships: Well where to start hmmm.... I think I'll focus on my relationship with Taylor (L)
Taylor and I started our friendship off hating each other (petty stuff that really meant nothing now that I look back on it) So after a couple of weeks of fighting I finally apologized and now here we are all gung ho and happy... lol (I'm so full of shit) If you didn't know me or Taylor, you would think that we wanted each other to drop dead (can't wait to hear what next year's freshman think) In truth there are some days I have no idea what Taylor is thinking, but other days we laugh our heads off at the akward stuff that happens in the drama dept. In conclusion I think my realationship with taylor can be used as a life lesson for others, If you can't beat em' join em'

Gerat pic I might add Love Ya Taylor :D
Daily confession:
Hrmm... Today I got called a faggot for the first time in my life :( Let's just say I bitched slapped them with my words and they will no longer be calling ANYONE a faggot any time soon. Anyway, on a lighter note, I GOT MY PERMIT XD!!! Also Happy Masterbation month. As always stay beautiful!

here's todays song:

A new blog experience

I generaly keep a list of my favorite quotes on my phone. Today I decided to share them. I also thought; in an effort to keep my blog orgainizedand get my readers to keep reading, I would release my blog posts in segments: Monday's are a review of my weekend (Weekend Review), Tuesday's Dating/Relationships, Wensday's Poems, Thursday's Quotes, and Friday's I will either not post anything or talk about whatever is happening in Branson's/ the country's gay community. Also in addition to organized blog posts, Iwill be making Daily Confessions "daily" and I will continue to post songs from glee and other artist. n a side note, it may take me awhile to come up with new posts cause my mom grounded me from the computer; the only reason I able to post this now is because I'm using the school's computer. So as promissed here are todays quotes.

One of the hardest things in life is to watch the person you love, love someone else.

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you the way you are.

The worst way to miss someone is to have them sitting right next to you and know that you can never have them.

Here's today's song:

Poem

Yesterday I wrote a poem about you-know-who, it felt pretty good letting my feelings out and seeing them in front of me. I also decided that I would post some of my other poems that I wrote a few years back. Well here's what I wrote:

Something More

by Aaron Cole

Your  body’s like a tower; tall and strong

And when you smile, it’s like staring into sunlight

The perfect guy in every way

But every day I look away

Cause I know I can’t have you…

Not now, not ever

You and me play for different teams you see

Everyone knows how I feel… except for you

Do you know you’re the one I see, when my eyes are closed and I’m all alone

At times I question the things you do

And start to thing about me and you

Only to relise that it’s just a daydream

Nothing more

Oh how I wish it was something more

Btw Sorry there's no song for this post, I'm using my schools computer and they blocked youtube for some retarded reason. I will post one once I get home. As always stay beautiful :D

NEW PICS finally :D

Daily Confession

Due to the graphic embarassment a certian person might feel this post will only be up for one week. So read up everyone :)

Ok so from the above comment you may already know who I'm talking about, if you don't however, well I'm talking about Silas. Tonight I ran sound for a choir concert. It was awsome btw if you missed it you missed out big time. Anyway for the LONGEST time I've had this small little feeling that Silas might be gay... or at least bisexual. Here's a list of why I think this:

1) If you know him; Have you seen the way he acts around girls, I've never once seen him flirt with a girl.

2) Most straight guys (if they have looks) flaunt the fact. Silas doesn't.

3) He is in LOVE with his hair... nuff said

4) FACT: he wears body flattering clothes... CORRECTLY, such as whitey tightys (I only know that cause I had gym with him in Jr High)

5) Refering to #4 while in the locker room I couldn't help but notice that he was looking at the other guys.

6) He's WAY to playful with his guy friends for him to be straight. It's all fun and games until someone gets a boner... Then it's a fucking party lol

He did a great job tonight at the concert. Let me just say that the DEEP V T-shirt he wore tonight was not proving to me that he's straight. However if he is straight then good for him, but he's missin out.

Don't know why I can't stop listening to this song

Crying

 I just feel lost. I don't really know what I'm suposed to do. I can't think straight anymore, I want to just let go of myself judgements and all of my problems, but I think if I do, I'll lose my grip on life; I'll have nothing left to hold on to. If I don't control my life, who does. I need to take action and make a stand for myself and my well being. To be honest, I hate myself. I'm gaining weight, have acne every where, I'm anoying to everyone of my friends. Some times I think that if I were never born things would be better for everyone in the world.

My fun little trip to Eureka Springs

If you've been reading my tweets then you know most of this story, but if you haven't ro you've been in a coma here it is (It's kinda like a bunch of different stories that relate to each other, cramed into one). So as most of you know I'm in a band called By The Bay with Lindsey Wiskur. Well recently I've been looking for something more, so I decided to look up "open mic events" in the Ozarks and the first thing that popped up was a Eureka Springs music fest. I took a chance on it and found it to be pretty promissing. Before I continue I have to tell you a little tid-bit, I found a BOYFRIEND! (yay me btw his names Mike he's 19) So I asked my parents if I could go. They said I could, but they didn't want me to go alone (they were to busy to take me) so I asked if Mike could take me, after hours of pleding they said yes (I love it when I get my way) So Saturday rolls around and Mike and I head off to ES and on our way down I start playing the nervous game (probably not the best thing to do when someone"s driving lol) He starts doing the same back to me, then all of a sudden we drive over this HUGE pot hole and his hand slips and ends up on my... anyway lets just say it was one of those cute akward movie moments. A couple of hours pass an we arive in ES at the RV Park (we brought my parent's camper to save money) We finally get set up, just in time for it to start raining. So we ran inside as fast as we could; then we relised that were stuck inside with nothing to do until later that night. On the plus side we were FAR from bored (if you know what I mean lol) We decided to check out the shops downtown and I find a rather large Earth Bound (If you didn't know I'm obsessed with Earth Bound; it was 2 stories, I was in heaven) I was so proud of myself I only bought a ring and a braclet. Still with to kill we look around for a place to eat and we find this cute little mexican restraunt that had THE best mexican food I've ever tasted. Show time comes around (I went on at 11:30pm) and I was so nervous, but I ended up doing better than I thought I would. So this morning we woke up to pouring rain. We run outside to hook up the camper as fast as we could. We're soaking wet and cold, and I get the awsome idea to sneak up behind Mike and scare him... Well he ended up scaring the shit out of me and I was extremly pissed off, he hug's me and tells me he's sorry and then the most romantic thing in the world happens to me; we just start making out in the rain (not gonna lie, it was the best part of my weekend). Well that's pretty much it. Hope you enjoyed my post. As always stay beautiful.

This song pretty much sums up my entire weekend

It's 4/20 LOL

So today I went to school... hehehe..... Anyways sorry I haven't really blogged much lately. I'm actually having a really good week. You see I was told by a friend that people really do read my blog! So I have been talking to this guy Mike... He's great, but sadly he's very hard for me to talk to without me wanting throw myself on him and... well you know lol. I really like him, the only thing holding me back is the fact that he's 19. The good thing is that this time he's gay. Still have a crush on *****. Oh well it probably won't ever happen. Before I forget Shout Out to Haleigh and Andie, thanks for the ride home. As always stay beautiful :)
This song is exactlly how I feel about my crush

Pictures from Honors Biology

Hey I got bored and took some pics with my fellow band member Lindsey (Blonde) and our photographer Jessie (Black)

Slam Poetry

So today in english my teacher told us that we were going to be starting a slam poetry unit. We are going to be writing later this week, but being to over achiever I am (haha I can't even type that with a straight face) I went ahead a wrote one. It's called In Your Face

In Your Face


Hey I have something to say and that something is
That I am gay
It makes me mad when I hear people say in the hallways
Hey look at that gay guy, lets make fun of him and call him names

FAGGOT! HOMO! QUEER!

And in return I would say
Yes I'm gay and yes I like dick, but just because I do DOES NOT mean I want your's!
Don't flatter yourself you prick
I may like a guy that's gay, straight, or bi
That doesn't mean I'm going to act on those feelings

Another thing I hear people say is
That's so gay
Well you know what, that's so teenage pizza-faced boy who can't get a girl to save his life

Girls love me for who I am and the way I was born
A word of advice
Girls HATE IT when their friends get hurt by people... like you
Keep in mind if you talk behind my back it put's you in the perfect position to
KISS MY ASS!
If you ever find yourself in love with a girl
Remember
Behind every girl is her
Gay


Well that's what I came up with. Feel free to comment and make sudjestions :) As always stay beautiful!

Awsome song!

Old Flames

So I've recently came out to my ex-girlfriend Cory and when I told her she was totaly fine with it... until I put my foot in my mouth when she asked what gay sex was like... let's just say that she was really homophobic afterwards, but now she's come around and we're cool. Now that I've told you that story I can tell you this one, way back at the begining of that school year I called her a bitch, slut, or something like that. Anyway we got into a huge fight and we hated each other with a passion, then around the time I decided to give myself a tattoo (November or December I think) we started to talk again and now today we seem to be closer than ever. I guess it just goes to show you that people can change their minds and attitudes towards each other. Today in honors bio all we did was talk about random shit, we also found a link on http://www.breaktheillusion.com/ that took us to a peta website about going vegetarian and it even gives you FREE vegetarian starter kit (Recipies and other cool stuff) and being an ex-vegetarian (had to stop cause I lost to much weight) I decided to order one because I have resently put on a few pounds and I miss the life style (I had a lot more energy) Well that's pretty much it for today. Until next time, stay beautiful :)
before i forget here's an awsome song by a super awsome band (Also my all time favorite band) VersaEmerge

Don't know what's goin on

I have been bored off my ass all week so forgive me if this blog post is awful. I have been thinking about a LOT of shit lately, stuff-stuff, like sex stuff. I know this is all very suprising coming from me but it's true. I just want to have sex because... well fuck I just REALLY want to have sex (Btw I'm not a virgin). In other news my grades are in the toilet, I'm STILL single, and... and... I really want to hug someone and cry for no reason. Also before I forget yesterday was the docudrama (a dramatic documentary on drunk driving) and I as I watched it I began to cry because all of the actor's and actress' were my friends and as the drama procceded there was buckets of fake blood every where and something in my head made me think it was real even though I knew it wasn't. It got me to thinking what if that really did happen to my friends what would I do without them (what would I do if I lost Dakota) after it was over I wanted give everyone a big hug, but of course I didn't cause they were covered in fake blood and I didn't want to get and on my white hoodie. It also made me relize how little I truly know my friends. So today I made a promissed myself that I would A) NEVER drink and drive and B) Get to know them better. Well that's all for today. Here's the song that's been playing in my head all week:

Contimplation (Dakota Drama Pt. II)

sigh... At this point I no longer know what to do with myself. I'm slowly gaining wieght, even with my ADHD meds which help break down my fat faster and excersize I still gain. The other day I was talking to Dakota and a couple of other people and Dakota brings up that once he graduates from high school he's never going to talk to anyone from high school except for like 3 or 4 people (of which 2 of them I'm really close to I might add) I can't help but to think he talked about this in front of me because he knows that I'm in love with him and he knows that it kills me when I hear something like that come from him. It tells me that he's still pissed off at me for the events that happened during ITS and the rest of that month. I don't know how many times I lie awake at night and think about what happened and what our relationship as friends would have amounted to if I had just kept my god damn mouth shut. I've always had issues with depression  (by that I mean I used to cut my wrists, I got help and stopped after awhile) and when Dakota texted me saying me with stuff like how pissed off he was, the first thing I did was find the nearest sharp object I could find... and I cut myself... I hadn't done that in two years... two fucking years down the drain like that. I've never told him about that. I only wish I could tell him, but I'm afraid that if I did tell him he would think I was some kind of freak. I only did it because I cared that much about him and I still do. Now I know your what your thinking "If you cared so much about him, then why did you do what you did?" and that's what I don't know, I don't know why I did it. It wasn't me, I have no clue where it came from. If only he was more forgiving and I opened my mouth less often then I wouldn't be in this situation. Well then past is the past  and that's the way it is. What I wouldn't give for a re-wind button right now. I miss my bestfriend. God I'm such an asshole!

The hardest part about walking away from him is knowing that he won't run after me.

School time again! (Daily Confessions)

Shit shit shit... Fuck. Hmm where do I start... well first off people are starting to read my blog so + but the down side is I don't want to embarass myself so - Welp I was sick at home on monday and during that time it gave me time to think about what my life has amounted to so far. My conclusion is... well lets just say I don't apply myself well in life :) like most people my age I deal with the day to day stuff; drama etc. but unlike most of my fellow peers, I'm gay. At my age (16) it turns into a burden to bare. Don't get me wrong I LOVE who I am but sometimes it's just a pain in the ass (no pun intended) to have to explain to people that I'm gay over and over again and tell them that it's not a choice to be gay. Anyway no progress on gorilla tits after all he is straight (sadly) I always seem to fall for the straight ones and in high school it kills me when I see someone and then they turn out to be straight... sigh On the other hand I'm in love with my bestfriend and when I told him the truth he told me he thought it was "weird" and to a straight I guess it would seem a little weird but he's my bestfriend one would have thought that he would've reacted differently. Yesterday I went to audition for 12 angry jurors (12 angry men + 12 angry women) I think I did better than I thought I would do. I'm pretty confident that I got a part, but knowing me I'll probably get cast as an old man... again. I'm not complaining, it's just that I always get cast as the old man; it's more of a statement rather than a complaint. Lindsey and I have been hard at work practicing and what not I hope all goes well for us cause if it doesn't then this will all be a wasted effort (or at least it will feel that way to me) well that's pretty much it for the moment. hope you all have a great rest of the week :)

WOOP WOOP!!! By the Bay

So a few weeks ago my bestfriend Lindsey Wiskur and I started a band called By the Bay (currently we're a cover band until we can find more members) We already have a name for our first EP: Not Just a Cover Up! The songs on it are Lost by Anouk, Hold It Against Me (Sam Tsui's version), Don't Forget by Demi Lovato, and two songs by Utada, Simple and Clean, and Sanctuary. Before we can record anything we need to find 1.) A producer 2.) A recording studio and 3.) We need to book a few gigs before we do #'s 1 and 2. We do have a few of our own songs but we choose to wait and record those after we edit them and become a little better known. Well that's all that's happening at the moment. If you have any tips for us let us know in the comments. :)

Coming out stories

Recently I've been thinking about my personal coming out story and it got me to thinking "You know I'm not the only person in the world who has come out." So I decided to look up some other stories, here's what I found.

Btw this guy ^ is HOT!




WOW who does that^ sound like (me!)

Another hottie ^ Good story

Seeing these videos makes me look back on how I came out... again DO NOT COME OUT ON FACEBOOK! I just feel so comfortable with myself when I watch these videos I just want to talk to these people cause I feel like I know them. I still have yet to tell my grandparents but hope to in the near future. I hope all goes well for me :)

So now I'm looking again at coming out stories and I come Across THIS:


AND THIS:

 WOW WHAT LUCK!!!

Spring Break Boredom

So today's Monday and I've got ZERO plans for the rest of the week (God I'm so boring) Any way I was going to make this blog post Dakota Drama pt. 2, but instead I'll be talking about the people who have speical meaning in my life. (YES Jessie I will continue Dakota Drama) anyway time for the main event, let's see who's first.... how about.... My mom. My mom has always been a big part of my life, I don't know what my dad and I would do if she wasn't here; she's like the older sister I've always wanted!

Mitch Hewer is the next person on my list, While yes he is super hot and an extremely talented actor he also inspired me to become an actor without him I wouldn't be an actor today.

Next I.... DAVEY WAVEY!! It seems a little obsesive but I cant help myself, without Davey I would be another closet case stuck at home living an unhappy life.

Last but not least is my faithful reader Jessie Sanders :) If she didn't read my blog I would probably close the blog.

Now here's a funny video that I ran across

Coming Out

Coming out is not the easiest thing in the world to do and my advice for those wanting to come out is, DO NOT COME OUT OVER FACEBOOK!!! You see what I did was I hinted around to my mom that I was gay... she eventually caught on, but I never flat out said to her "Mom, I'm gay." As for my dad, well, I was scared to death of my dad finding out cause we're not exactlly what you would call close... Anyway I came out to my friends and they were totally fine with it, I came out to my aunt (Mom's sister) and she was supportive, I came out to my two cousins they were cool with it... Sooo now we get deeper into the story, one day I decided that I would come out on facebook... It was not a good idea. Let's just say it ended with a loooong conversation with my parents were my dad said "I'm not exactlly happy that your gay, but I'll support you just the same." Let me tell you, it was just a strange situation altogether and to think it all could have been avoided if I came out to my parents in the first place. Oh well ya live and ya learn I guess :)

"In my Heart" Alyssa Shouse feat. Stokes

Selena Gomez & The Scene - Who Says

This video is so beautiful, it makes me want to cry.

Why I love Davey Wavey

This is Davey Wavey. Yes I know he's beautiful, but let's put our toungs back in our mouths for a moment so I can tell you about him, for starters like myself he's gay. He's EXTREMLY inspirational and I love him for it, I look up to him in so many ways. Truely he's that best friend I've never even met. I look foward to every thursday when he uploads his new talky blog. He inspired me to start this blog. I think if we all tried to be a little more aware of our suroundings like davey, the world would be a much happier place.

STUFF

Sooooo..... I haven't been able to get on blogger on account of the fact that my computer broke :( Any way I am SOOOOO sad that Mitch hewer deleted his twitter *dies inside* I'm so glad that footloose is over... It was a BITCH!! I have fallen in love with dakota, yes I know it's stupid cause he can't return the feelings, but a boy can dream SIGH Dakota. Also I'm a little saddened by the fact that I can no longer see the God of Body Silas :( Lately I've been feeling a little lonley, I NEED to get myself a MAN. OH! I did do something amazing, I started a band with my wonderfully talented best friend Lindsey Wisker :3, our band I By the Bay we're a piano cover band at the moment (we need to find some more members...) I am SOOO happy that there's a commercial on tv now that's telling people to stop saying "that's so gay", which makes me want to correct my previous post about how funny straight people are. We (gay people) tolerate the phrase "thats so gay" because we can't stop people from saying it. Any way that's all for now :)

Ha! Stright people crack me up!! :)

HAHAHA!!! Today I relized that almost ALL straight people feel the need to say something along the lines of "blah blah blah, But I'm not a homophobe or anything." when they talk to me about stuff that is considered a "gay" topic. It's not like I care if your a homophobe or not, your entitled to your own thought's, who am I to tell you otherwise. Something else I catch straight people saying is "that's so gay". They almost always apoligize to me, again it's not like I care. After all it is a commonly used phrase, yes I know it sounds like I'm setting the gay community back a few years, but in truth NONE of us really care what you do or say.  So to all you straight people out there that feel the need to apoligize to us, here's a meassege: WE DON'T CARE!!! :)

Daily Confession

*SIGH* I am soo confused... When I was in the closet people were constantly questioning weither or not I was straight, and now that I'm out and openly gay they question weither or not I'm gay! For the record I AM gay! It just bugs me that people pull that kind of crap; and what's it to them if I'm gay or not, it's not like I choose to be gay I just am.

Another thing that I've noticed is that EVERY hot guy I see is straight! It's sooo sad. There's this one guy in my english class Chris that's super cute, but he's straight :( Then there's this other guy Silas... OMG perfect body to the T, I kid you not his body and face are works of art! Again another straight guy :(( I guess I just have a soft spot for straight guys. Although there is this really really cute guy Justen in the theatre department that IS gay, but I've already tried to ask him out, but he turned me down. Oh well I'm sure I'll find someone :)

Worst Person I Know

So there's this girl Tessa in the drama department and at first she seemed really nice, but in truth she's realla compulsive liar who's also an attention whore. For starters she does make up (god only knows why) and I might add that she SUCKS at it. To describe her she looks like she works the corners of East St. Louis. And her make up looks like a dog took a shit on her face! To add insult to injury she acts like a total bitch to me (when I've done nothing wrong) and she thinks she's all high and mighty, it pisses me off so much. I just want to push her off of her imaginary thron of her's. Sometimes some people just piss me off.

Dakota Drama Part 1

UGH I never thought I would be one to say this but FML!!! You see it all started about a month ago when I went to Missouri State Thespian Confrence, and my bestfriend Dakota (who I've always suspected of being a closeted gay) wanted to fool around with me. Had we not had a roomate, I probably would have fooled around with him. Any way I told him that I wasn't ''in the mood to fool around'' but I would when we got back home. So we get back to Branson and a couple of days passed and we started texting each other (haha I'm such a teenager) and he began to ask me different questions about gay sex etc. and I ended up asking him what he wanted to do. (due to the graphic content of the message i won't tell you ALL of the details) He told me that he basicaly wanted to give/recive a blow job and a hand job. So being me (horny 24-7) I agreed to his terms. Within a few days we made plans for the event and he ended up backing out at the last minute; which was fine by me. Well after that there was this akward tention between us and I was starting to worry about our friendship. He called me and told me that he wanted to apologize to me, I told him that there wasn't any need for apology (this took place during the weekend fyi) but he insisted and I agreed to it. he drove to my house (in the middle of no where), knocked on the door, I answered He apologized and this next part was what really took me by suprize; He said he would at least want to try to make out with me I told him that I would give it a try if he was still willing to be friends after. He agreed and we made our way over to the couch, sat down, he put his hand on my cheek, leaned in, and I started to lean in but I stopped myself because at that moment I relized that my feelings for Dakota as a friend had developed into something more... here's the kicker I told him that i needed a minute to think things over; let's just say that a minute turned into 30 akward minutes of cuddling and Just as I had made up my mind to kiss him we hear my mom walk in the door... (to be continued)