Stuck in my head

Well I finally apologized to Dakota. So why do I still feel empty inside? I'm just done with everything. I thought that if I apologized, things would change. I guess I was wrong. I miss my best friend. I just want everything to go back to the way it was before all of this happened. I worry about him so much. It breaks my heart every time I over hear Haleigh talking to him on the phone. God I miss him, even just his scent. I've been so on edge lately I have to will my self not to cry when I think about him. He truly did care for my well being. I'm the worst person on earth. What really gets at me is the fact that I don't know why I felt the need to do what I did. I can't even fathom the hate he probably has for me, but I don't blame him. I would hate me too if I were in his position. So now I'm done. I've lost him forever and I now have to live with that fact for the rest of my life. I'm just done. Every time I hear his name or think about the way things used to be, the hole in my heart gets bigger. I don't think I care what happens to me anymore. I don't want him back in my life as a boyfriend, I came to the difficult realization that it won't happen. I just want my best friend back. That's all. !STAYBEUATIFUL!